2001-01-22 - 5:33:51 PM

The whimpering beginning

Mmmm, wow, first entry, and after two days of telling myself I wasn't going to do this. I've a very strong-minded person, really.

It seems silly to have just picked a title for this diary that doesn't apply, but I did. Today I'm not real angry at anyone, but I'm a little sad with myself.

Back when I was younger, I felt sure that the better a relationship was, the less you'd have to talk about it. The best friends were just the ones who you always got along with, and true love would be when you met someone and you both instantly knew It Was Good and decided to spend the rest of your lives together.

This is, of course, all wrong.

It took Julie a couple years to teach me that it was wrong, though. And it's still wrong, and I'm still working on it.

We had a long talk a few weeks ago. I felt ignored, she felt ignored in different ways, and basically we had both lost track of what the other was feeling. It's much better now.

Later on I realized that I had done the same thing with lots of my other friends. I'll call and ask if they want to go get dinner, but I don't ever say, "am I being the friend you want?" I'm thinking of giving it a try, while I still have most of the friends *I* want.

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