2001-02-16 - 3:45:03 PM

Know When to Shut Up

I hate to say it, but thank the lord Liralyn isn't expecting me in Canton today. In the old days I could cope with insomnia by forcing my way through the day, despite being tired, and sleeping later. When I'm visiting Liralyn, though, I have to be awake enough to drive 1/2 hour there and the same back, and also well enough rested to keep up with a toddler without getting massively grumpy. Since I got 2 hours of sleep last night, it's very nice that I can just work today and then go home and rest. Possibly for three days.

When I was visiting yesterday, Julie mentioned that there was a disturbance at the supermarket where she sometimes shops. Apparently armed men went in and took some employees hostage. That made me think of the upcoming reforms in Michigan's carry concealed weapons policy, so I asked Julie what her thoughts on the subject would be.

She didn't want me carrying around Liralyn, which didn't surprise me. Julie's not a real fan of guns, and more importantly, she's not familiar with them. She has the mindset, shared by a lot of people, that having a gun around means trouble. So I expected her to tell me not to carry around the child.

After she did so, though, she began trying to explain her reasons, and I cut her short. "Julie," I said, "don't explain. If you explain, then we're having a discussion, and fairness dictates that I get to respond. And then we'll be having an argument. Let's just have you answer the question and I'll respect your answer." And she looked nonplussed and said, "Fine." I think she may have disagreed, but nonetheless, I *know* she didn't really want to have an argument with me about gun safety.

I have this problem- confusing question and answer topics with discussion or argument topics- a lot. It used to be a real problem when I was dating. I'd ask a woman out, and she'd say no. I'd ask why, she'd tell me, and I'd argue. Only a few rare women were able to communicate that the answer was no, they had no obligation to tell me why, and that there was nothing I could to to change it in any case.

I was a debater in high school, and sometimes I think about doing some coaching again when Liralyn gets older and is spending her time out with friends instead of home with family. If I do, I'm going to have a special little learning session on knowing when *not* to argue, and how to end arguments that neither side is going to win. I wish I'd been able to learn that lesson sooner. But as least I learned it before yesterday.

Previous entry: The Use of Money

Next entry: Why My Julie Rocks