The Negative Voice
Newest Entry Older Entries Guestbook Contact Me Get Your Own Diary Links Imagemap

Valid HTML 4.01!

[Get Opera for Windows!]

2001-04-09 - 4:31 p.m.

You Have to Give It What It Wants

I was watching "Playing by Heart" with Mer this weekend, and watching Anthony Edwards' character angst over his lover made me crazy.

In the movie, he has a strictly sexual relationship with this woman. Each feels trapped in an unfulfilling relationship back home. She basically gets what she wants out of their affair. He wants more. For the first ten or so times we saw him doing this act, I kept thinking, "How hard is it for you to see that she doesn't want what you want?" Eventually I started shouting it.

Mer thought I was totally wack, but I've seen this (and, alas, done this) enough to be really sick of it. It plays into a larger problem that lots of people have, too.

Everyone professes to believe in democracy. But sooner or later, we all end up thinking that people are sheep and only *we* really get it. We demand laws against whatever mass stupidity got under our skin this week.

Everyone has the right to want what *they* want. People have no obligation to love me. They have no obligation to love anyone, or to want any particular thing. It took me a long time to figure out that for whatever reason, some people get more satisfaction from relationships that look ugly as sin to me than they would from a relationship with, well, me. For example.

I've learned that the best thing for me to do with people like that is back the hell off. No matter how much I like someone, if they prefer to work out their issues in ways that make me crazy, caring about that person will defeat me in the end. You can't make someone happy against their will.

Ask not what you can give for your loved ones. Ask what they want, and then decide whether you can give it to them. It sounds kind of cold, but believe me, giving people what they *don't* want just makes them crazy. If you doubt me, watch me and my Mom interact for a few hours at a time. Ugh.

Previous entry: Satellites

Next entry: Annoyances De Jour

Menu Bar about me - read my profile! read other DiaryLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!