2001-07-03 - 2:45 a.m.

I Am TV Boy

Oooh, down to seven readers who list me as a favorite now. If any of the rest of you feel inclined to ditch me, at least sign my guestbook and tell me where I went wrong. I feel so used....

Oh, feh. My paintball page hasn't been updated in three years and it gets most of my hits anyway. It's readily apparent that diaryland won't make me famous.

Anyway, I'm disturbed tonight because (aside from being in an odd frame of mind) I can't seem to work up any interest in painting. I have five minis about 90% finished. Two weeks of painting on schedule and they'd be ready to clearcoat. But I'm just looking at them while I write in my diary.

The timing suggests to me that work is to blame. Ever since I picked up the extra workload, I just can't seem to work up any energy for life outside of work. I still do the Liralyn thing well, and I play some paintball, but when I'm home alone I'm TV boy. _China Beach_, _Sports Night_, _Stargate SG-1_, and so forth have become my dominant form of entertainment. I barely even read while I watch.

It's not purely an energy thing. That is, while I'm working harder at the office than ever before, the additional work there remains less than the work at home I ought to be doing but am not. I'm off at some lower level of my brain.

It may have something to do with rewards. My boss has a remarkable knack for negativity- even by my standards. I have almost twice the recommended number of people working for me, I'm not going to have any less work to do in the foreseeable future, and he hasn't said word one about what's in this for me.

So, my working hypothesis is that to compensate for this lack of incentive at work, I've stopped doing anything at home that doesn't come with some sort of immediate gratification.

What a charming attitude I've discovered for myself.

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