2/7/2002 - 12:29AM

The Slow Slide from Virtuous to Good Enough

I was a very good boy last weekend. I worked out (at last! Yay me!) and then felt really sore. I fought through the soreness to volunteer for six hours at the gun club, washing dishes for one of their monthly dinners. That experience left me with additional muscle soreness and a reminder that there are many, many worse jobs than manager at a telco borg.

Then I watched the Superbowl and hated it. I wanted the Rams to win. Yes, they have no soul, and yes, Brady and Law are former Wolverines and I'm happy for their success. I still think the Rams make football more fun to watch. Feh. Lesson for all other coaches: Beware of peaking too early in the season.

Monday passed with delightfully little incident, which was good because I really couldn't have stood for much incident. Tuesday went poorly, though. Liralyn and I were having fun sliding around on the ice when Liralyn suddenly slipped. Since her hands were in her pockets, she couldn't catch herself. She ended up using her face to break the ice with. Oooowwww. It looks even worse, of course, with big scabs up and down the right side of her face. Daddy feel bad. Liralyn feel worse. Well, on Tuesday anyway. Today she was in a wonderful mood. I felt like a jackass every time I looked at her. That sort of thing makes my life very complicated.

For no particular reason but a host of small ones, one of my priorities is to not let people around me down. I want people to get what they expect or better. That's why I'm an asshole to people I dislike- I want them to understand that they can't ask me for favors, can't be all chummy with me, can't pretend that we're friends. It's why I'm so aggressive about setting the rules for what my group does at work. But I suppose that my own expectations of Daddy-ness were unrealistic. I want to keep Liralyn from falling on her face. I want to keep the 15 year old Liralyn from dating. I want to keep the 18 year old Liralyn from dating assholes. None of those things are going to happen, and I'm probably always going to wonder whether I could have done better.

Right now I'm just thinking of my own childhood and hoping that, as with my parents, I'll have ended up doing good enough.

Previous entry: Blah

Next entry: End of month update