2001-07-31 - 1:21 a.m.

Where's Gen Sherman when we need him?

Well, I'm back from my trip to the Ozarks. To all who may have wished me a happy trip, thanks for trying, and don't take your failure to heart.

Let's give credit where it's due. The people were friendly, the scenery beautiful, and the food ranged from decent to quite good.

On the down side, Eureka Springs was built around the tourist trade from the eponymous springs. Once the public's infatuation with hot springs began to dry up, the town began coming up with other tourist attractions to lure people in. Now the entire town is built around two themes: Selling souvenirs, and "come look at the old tourist attractions."

Meanwhile, we stayed at a 130-year-old hotel where the plumbing sucked and the only air conditioners were window units. The reception was somewhat marred by the total loss of power at the hotel. And to top it all off, the wedding events where generally scheduled in the evenings. Liralyn spent every day revved up for the evening, and then began to beg to go home and sleep just as things were rolling.

That's no shame to Liralyn, who tried very hard to be a trooper. I'm mostly irate towards my mother, who was warned of all these potential problems and shrugged them off with "it'll be fine."

Julie and I are contemplating throwing the anti-destination wedding as an act of revenge. We'll get married in a meeting room at the Metro Airport hotel. Fly in, watch the ceremony, eat bad food, leave. No hotels. No shopping. No souvenirs. An absolute lack of scenery. Stupid wedding, but an excellent concept in revenge.

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