2002-03-04 -

Get Thee Behind Me

I had a pretty good weekend- caught North live, hung out with many friends, read, saw Julie and Liralyn, and generally enjoyed myself. As so often happens, though, it was the negative event that really stuck with me.

I saw a movie on cable called "Waking the Dead." Without spoiling it too much, I can safely say that it involves a busted-up relationship and the main character's difficulty getting over it.

I've said here a couple times that I've never gotten over anything in my whole life, and seeing that reflected in the movie was pretty brutal. It forced me to once again acknowledge that for the rest of my life, every once in a while I'm going to be reminded of bad shit and feel bad about it all over again.

At the end of the movie there was a bit where the girl turns up again for a few hours and then goes back out of his life. That reminded me of a Harlan Ellison story in which the main character is fated to to have a one night stand with each of his exes in reverse chronological order, and becomes increasingly terrified as the countdown procedes towards the one who almost broke his mind. I understand exactly where that fear comes from.

Since I've never gotten over the (thankfully few) really unpleasant events in my past, I've tried to outrun them instead. That was then and this is now and I just don't think about then that much. But if the past was going to make a habit of coming round and nipping me in the nads, I think I'd go stark, raving bonkers myself.

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