2001-03-14 - 4:27:29 PM

Just One of Many

I read an article in Salon the other day that talked about the author's experience when her first love sent her an instant message. She mentioned, in passing, that everyone tries to find their first love when they go online and reconnect with them.

That suprised me. I've been trying to locate my first girlfriend, who may or may not have been my first love- it's sort of tricky to tell in a relationship from so long ago that lasted such a brief time. I figured that my little search, while basically harmless, had to do with my own difficulties letting go of the past. I felt sort of guilty about it, like if I ever found her, I would have been violating her privacy somehow. Now they tell me everyone does this? WTF? Are we all mental?

I suppose there's something special enough about the first one that makes it hard to let go of. You either want to find out who that person has become, or find them so your can program their exact coordinates into that Scud you bought second-hand from the Iraqi consulate. You need to find out whether there might have been something there or obtain closure by force of arms. Well, metaphorically, anyway. I doubt that even Larmouth actually has access to Scuds.

If you're reading this, Larmouth, no offense, eh?

Anyway, the whole idea still makes me feel vaguely cheated. If even my mental problems turn out to be universal, it takes all the fun out of it. I guess that in a world full of school shootings, embassy bombings, and multimillionare baseball players, there's just not much hope for the saner people to distinguish themselves. Which makes me hate those school shooting wankers that much more.

Previous entry: Junkie

Next entry: Plague Day