2001-03-08 - 5:58:57 PM

Insomnia Again

Well, insomnia jacked me again today. Or perhaps I have to admit that I used insomnia as a weapon to beat myself. Sleep always eludes classification as an active or a passive thing.

Anyway, since my boss was due in town early this morning and he wanted me in early as well, I tried to retire at a sensible hour. I wasn't quite tired, so I tossed and turned a bit. By 4am I was definitely tired. I also knew I had to get some sleep so I could be up early in the morning. Knowing that, I had stress. Having stress, I could not sleep. And so on. Ooops. So now I'm working and trying to write a diary entry with only 2 1/2 hours of sleep. It amazes me that I'm getting away with it. Thank god my group doesn't support hospital life support equipment or something.

Now I'm so tired that I'm not going to be able to see Liralyn tonight, which makes me feel pretty bad. So I'm taking tomorrow off to visit her at my parents' house, which in turn means that despite getting in to work early today, overall I'll spend less time than usual in the office this week.

Julie tries hard not to say anything, but I think that she thinks I'm a wanker for not seeing a sleep doctor. Once she gets her pending root-canal work done, she may even feel morally able to say so. Oh the humiliation.

The problem is that I *can* sleep. Once I get my brain run down to sleep mode, I sleep like a baby for 9-10 hours running. It's just that I have so much on my mind right now that things won't settle down on their own and let me rest. I have to work all my mental energy off. I feel like CJ when she thought she was going to be indicted.

Ah well. Maybe if I ever start working out, the physical effort will translate into mental tiredness somehow. Or maybe I'll just continue to suffer. Ah well. It's still fun to be me. Just annoying sometimes.

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