2001-04-06 - 3:27 p.m.

Satellites

I was listening to the Counting Crows' "Recovering the Satellites" a couple days ago, and I occurred to me that if I could figure out why the song affected me the way it does, it might make a decent diary entry. So I'll have a shot at it.

Out of all the Counting Crows music I've heard, including a live show, I only like that album. The rest is mostly crap. But somehow, on RTS, they tapped into a melancholy vibe that I really like listening to.

I especially enjoy the title track. It reminds me of the movie "Sex, Lies, and Videotape", for one thing, and I like that movie quite a bit. It also taps into my deep loathing of my own childhood.

I grew up in Birmingham, MI, which pretty much disqualifies me for any real childhood suffering. It's the land of the wealthy and stupifyingly dull. That makes it a great place to raise kids but maybe a little suboptimal for being one. I doubt that Birmingham itself has much to do with the problem, though.

Every time I drive around the city, I think about some of the things I screwed up when I was younger. Over there, we have the pizza parlor where I hated working one summer. Here we have the public library, the first job I ever had, and the place where Kristen and I got to know each other. There are the houses of my various high-school exes, and then there's the high school. Oh, the memories of high school. I could just vomit from the nostalgia.

As far as I've come since then, I can still remember some of those days in living color. Some of the mental scars still ache from time to time. It makes me wonder how old I'll be when they finally stop, if they ever do. I worry that in some way, that was the real me, and when someone pushes the right button, I'll be stuck with my somewhat lamentable eighteen-year-old self again. It's a real ugly thought.

"Your mother recognizes all your desperate displays

and she watches as her babies drift violently away

'til they see themselves in telescopes

Do you see yourself in me?

We're such crazy babies, little monkey

We're so fucked up, you and me

So why'd you come home to this faithless town

Where we make a lifetime commitment

to recovering the satellites

and all anybody really wants to know is...

when are you gonna come down"

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